Exploring my Values to Find Myself
Last week I told you that I put in my resignation and my last day will be mid-May. I am excited, terrified and quite honestly, a little in shock! Looking back this has been in the works for awhile, I have not been happy where I am in life for some time. Not to say that my life is bad because it is not, by a long shot, I have a good husband, a healthy and funny daughter and good family and friends with a warm roof over my head. But, I have this deep feeling like something is missing, I’m going through the motions but not enjoying life like I feel I should. We were given this gift of life and I felt like I was wasting it.
I have spent about a year grasping at straws trying to figure out what is wrong with me. “Am I depressed, bored, do I have ADHD and that’s why I can’t focus at work like I want too…” The list goes on and on of trying to find a REASON, a reason of why I feel this way. IF I find the reason I can also find the cure.
Theres a lot of buzz surrounding “purpose.” What is purpose, why do I need a life long purpose, isn’t that something that ebbs and flows within the seasons of life? I have been visiting with a therapist for awhile just to help me get a grasp on what it is that I am feeling and she had me do a values worksheet. When she first suggested it I figured I would do it to appease her but didn’t think much would come out of it. It is a worksheet with a list of all facets of your life listed out, i.e. family, friends, education, social, job, etc. Your job is to define each one as you think of it, i.e. for family I put that I want to be a loving mom and wife and a reliable person that my family knows they can always count on for help. Once defined you then rate each 1-10. I assume most of us would put family up at the top so that was a no-brainer but what did surprise me was what came next on my list and, what came last.
Rating this list was surprisingly helpful because it gave me a chance to compare each, individual facet of my life one-on-one rather than as large sections. Do I want this area to be in my top three or is it this? My top three included all of the family relationships but the one that surprised me was Education. To me education comes in the form of exploring. Whether that be the State Park that’s close by or roaming the streets of another country you’re always learning and experiencing something new. I am a firm believer that experience is everything. It is what makes us each unique individuals because we all come from different backgrounds and different experiences.
The fact that education kept winning out compared the rest of the values surprised me but gave me some valuable insight into myself. I knew that experiences were very important to me but didn’t realize they were quite that high until I did this worksheet!
I am still up in the air about what the heck I am going to do in the future. In the short term Scarlett and I are going to take the summer and explore and enjoy ourselves. I recently went to a cute furnishings store and saw this darling sign that really spoke to me:
“The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The work of life is to develop it. The meaning of life is to give your gift away.”David Viscott
It looks like I am back to that buzzword of “purpose” again! I have no idea what my life’s purpose is but I am realizing that I have to put the work in to find it. It’s not a quick fix of just thinking something is wrong with me it will take time, a lot of soul searching along with some journaling and hopefully that will bring me to my purpose and everything will fall into place there!